A Islamic Wedding Frequently Asked Questions

Islamic Wedding

Frequently Asked Questions

(FAQs)

 

                                                                                                By: SYED  ILYAS BASHA

                                                                                                                 Hyderabad-28 (India)

 

 

CONTENTS:

Q1. What is the significance of marriage in Islam?

Q2. What is the wisdom in the conduct of marriage?

Q3. Who Is Eligible To Marry?

Q4. Is early marriage recommended in Islam?

Q5. What are the beneficial effects of a Married Life?

Q6. What are the Benefits of an early Marriage?

Q7. What does a Muslim achieve through marriage?

Q8. Is delaying marriage an act of sin?

Q9. What are good characteristics desired to be seen in an ideal life-partner?

Q10. Whom one should Marry?

Q11. What are the virtues one should look in a girl for selecting as a bride?             

Q12. Is there any special Namaz for bride/bridegroom related to Nikah?                   

Q13. Can the couple meet/live together prior to marriage? 

Q14. Is the consent of both partners necessary for conduct of Nikah?

Q15. What our Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) has said about wedding ceremony?

Q16. What are the rights of a wife on her husband?

Q17. What are the rights of a husband on his wife?

Q18. Is it true that Husband is the leader of the household?

Q19. How mutual trust and love in a couple be strengthened?

Q20. What are the suggested ways for performing marriage in a simple way?

Q21. Is there any mention about the timing of Wedding?

Q22. What acts are considered as sin or un-Islamic in celebration of a wedding party?

Q.23. What should be done in case of disputes in a married couple?

 

Q1.What is the significance of marriage in Islam?

A.According to Imam Abu Hanifah, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Imam Malik ibn Anas,(Radiyallaho ‘anhum) marriage is recommendatory. However in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry, he/she may commit sin, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry earliest possible. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.   A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.  The general principle is that prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) enjoined upon his followers to marry.  He said "when a man marries; he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Companion Anas (Radiyallaho ‘anho).

Q2.What is the wisdom in the conduct of marriage?

A.Allah says in Quran: “O Humans revere your Guardian-Lord, Who created you from a single person created of like nature its mate, and from this scattered (like seeds) countless men and women. Reverence Allah through Whom you claim your mutual rights” (Quran 4:1). 

In this verse by stressing on the equality of all humans and making it the basis of marriage, Allah with his wisdom has laid the ground rules for establishing peace in the society. Different roles have been assigned to husband and wife in the family set-up. We should trust on Almighty Allah and have to act according to His teachings and teachings of Prophet.

Similarly, Prophet Mohammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) stated that: “Men and women are twin halves of each other” (Bukhari).

This Hadith also emphasize the fact that men and women are created from single source. Furthermore, by using the analogy of twin half, the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) has underlined the reciprocal nature and the interdependent nature of men and women’s relationship. The family is the foundation of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence in Islam. Marriage is an act pleasing Allah Almighty because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and raise their children to become true servants of Allah.

 

Q3.Who Is Eligible To Marry?

A.For a man to become eligible for taking a woman’s hand in marriage, Islam has several recommendations. According to Islamic laws, when a boy attains the age of fifteen, or becomes sexually potent, he is baligh, and has attained puberty. But this is not enough for entering into a contract of marriage.   Books of Islamic law may be referred to for exact details on physical and mental maturity. The proper time and age of marrying is when the individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the capability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of family members.

 

Q4.Is early marriage recommended in Islam?

A.If by not getting married, one fears  of committing a sin like adultery, get involved with a non-mehram, or in a sexual misconduct,  then he/she should get married soon.    Similarly, by not having a life partner, one is fearing any detrimental effect on his body, then also one should opt for an early marriage.   The youth must pay extra special attention to the fact that Almighty Allah has been providing us with all our spiritual and material needs. He will surely shower even more blessing if we follow His commands with pure intention of seeking His pleasure. He will surely remove all the obstacles and assign us a reliable and halal source of income as well.  Some parents delay marriage of their boy/girl with malicious intentions like expecting more dowries, a grand dinner, a more beautiful bride or waiting for a boy drawing a higher salary.  This way, they deviate from the right path; a natural course causing risk for the character and health of their loved one. They are certainly be accountable before Allah for a sin, if any committed by their loved one.  

Note:It should be noted that local laws in respect of age of marriage should be observed.

 

Q5.Q.What are the beneficial effects of a Married Life?

A.Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways.  Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection.  The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.”   True; A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits and social life.  

Marriage Enhances the Value of Prayers: The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said, “Two rak‘ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person.”   A woman came to the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) and said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay some attention to me.  The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse which he described as follows: “When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels in addition [at that moment in Allah’s views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has inter-course with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins.”

Marriage increases Sustenance: The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) remarked, “Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values).”

 

Q6.What are the Benefits of an early Marriage?

A.Islam defined matters that contain benefits both in this world and in the Hereafter.  Following are few the great benefits of early marriage listed below:

By getting married you are obeying the Prophet  (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) and his Sunnah because our beloved Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said: “O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry.” (Al Bukhari)

Marriage guarantees physical and spiritual chastity and peace in the life of a person and keeps the couple away from the downfall and trap of the Satan. Allah SWT mentioned in verse about chastity:

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)” (Quran, 23:5).

Through marriage, the couples achieve mutual affection, mercy, and love. Allah (SWT) says: “And He has put between you affection and mercy” (Quran, 30:21)

With marriage, the couple will have righteous offspring. It is the survival of generation and it results in obtaining great and good rewards by having righteous children The couples will also gain good rewards while having children up-bringing them in accordance with the Islamic teachings.   By marrying and fulfilling the rights of the husband, the believer woman will enter into Paradise. A righteous wife is the best provision in this world. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said: “This world is but provision, and there is no provision in this world better than a righteous wife.”(Muslim)

 

Q7.What does a Muslim achieve through marriage?

A.Islam prescribes a success-seeking way for life for the humanity.  It has made marriage an obligatory act as it secures a follower’s faith. It is also said that marriage is half Deen (religion).  It is narrated by Companion Anas (Raziyallaho ‘anho) that the Prophet Mohammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) has said, “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”   Marriage is one of the most liked Sunnah in Islam as our beloved Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) married and also encouraged others.   It provides tranquility, peace, and security.   It is a bond of love not just only between two persons but between two families.  It is a source to experience love and happiness.   Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one, our Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) says, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage”

 

Q8.Is delaying marriage an act of sin?

A.Our Holy Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) got married and encouraged others to get married by saying: “A person who he is able to support a wife and children and does not marry then he is not from us.”   Marriage has been given a great importance in Islam.   It urges the followers to perform it as early as possible after once a person attains the age and quickly once a suitable match is found.  Any delay in this regard without any valid acceptable reason is considered as an unfair act. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) is reported to have stated: “Do not delay in three things; i) The offering of the compulsory prayer. ii) The offering of the funeral prayer when the dead body is present. iii) The marriage of a woman when her match is found”

 

Q9. What are good characteristics desired to be seen in an ideal life-partner?

A.The Shariah has not left us unguided in any matter in life. We have been taught the best method of selecting a suitable spouse.    The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.

Religiousness: It is said that a person who does not have religion, has anything.  Once a man came to the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) to seek guidance for selecting a spouse, he reportedly said, “It is binding upon you to have a religious spouse.”

Knowing the human weakness for beauty and wealth, the Messenger of Allah (S) has forewarned, “A man who marries a woman for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in his own condition, and one who marries her (only) for her beauty, will find in her (things) which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and Allah will gather up all these things for one who marries her for the sake of her faith (religiousness).”

Good Nature:The next important criterion is good nature.  It is advisable that one should not marry his daughter to a person known for his ill nature. The same will apply where the bride-to-be lacks a good nature. Such a woman, though she may be beautiful and rich, would make the life of her husband miserable. She can never be patient in the difficulties that arise in married life. 

Compatibility:The Prophet  (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) gave no recognition to class distinction, but in marriage, he stressed upon compatibility.  The marrying partners must be Kufw (means to neglect weakness found if any, in the partners life) of each other, so that there are no unnecessary misgivings later.  It is better for a religious woman who is committed to laws and principles to marry a man like herself.  A man inquired with the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam), “Whom should we marry?”  He replied, “The suitable (matches).” “Who are the suitable matches?”, he was asked. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) replied, “Some of the faithfuls are match for others.”

Decent Family: The Messenger of Allah (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) has given great emphasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry.  He is reported to have said, “Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes have effect.”  The Holy Prophet  (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) also said, “Look very carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your child because genes and hereditary qualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and have their effect.”

Physical and Mental Health:Though religiousness and piety are most important, it does not mean that we totally disregard the physical appearance and beauty of the prospective spouse.  The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) says, “When one intends to marry a woman, he should ask about her hair, just as he asks about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women).”

Q10. Whom one should Marry?

A.Islam Law forbids its followers from marrying spouse from other religion.

It has placed certain restrictions on the choice of your spouse depending upon blood relationships and religious affiliations.   There are certain blood relations which are considered haraam for you as far as marriage is concerned.   (As a general rule, anyone who is your mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.) The list of such relatives is given in the Qur’an as follows:

For Men: mother, daughter, paternal aunt, maternal aunt, niece, foster-mother, foster-sister, mother-in-law, step-daughter, daughter-in-law, all married women, sister-in-law  (See Surah an-Nisaa’ 4:23-24)

For Women: father, son, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, nephew, foster-mother’s husband, foster brother, father-in-law, stepson, son-in-law.

 

Q.11.What are the virtues one should look in a girl for selecting as a bride?

A.The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: (Women may be married for four things: wealth, beauty, lineage or religious commitment). Does this mean the woman has to be wealthy, beautiful, from a family of good lineage and be religiously committed?  According to one hadith  narrated by al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466) from Abu Hurayrah (Radiyallaho ‘anho) from the Prophet (Sallallaho ‘alaihi vasallam) who said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed; may your hands be rubbed with dust (an Arabic proverb – means, you may prosper).”  

The Hadith means that these are the qualities people look for in marriage. Some look for a wife who is beautiful, some look for a wife who is descended from a noble family, some look for a wealthy wife, and some look for a wife who is religiously-committed – and this last is what the Prophet (Sallallaho ‘alaihi vasallam) encouraged when he said: “Seek the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” There is nothing in this hadith to suggest that it is enjoined or encouraged to marry a woman for her beauty, lineage or wealth. Rather Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah be pleased with him) said in Sharh Muslim: The correct view concerning the meaning of this hadith is that the Prophet  (Sallallaho ‘alaihi vasallam) spoke of what people usually do, for they seek these four characteristics, the last of which in their view is religious commitment, but since you are seeking to follow the right path, you should seek one who is religiously committed.   

Q12. Can the couple meet/live together prior to marriage?

A.The Shariah permits the intended spouses to see each other for the purpose of selection and also permits asking and giving opinions if asked (without it being considered as gheebat under certain conditions.).   The reasoning behind is that a man and a woman must ‘know’ each other and develop an understanding before they decide to marry.  One  should never resort to outsmart or deceive the opposite party or conceal a defect during the selection process. Such things can have serious ramifications if exposed after marriage. The most important criterion is piety or religiousness. The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan. This is one way to bring down the rate of divorce and separation in  our society.

Q13. Is the consent of both partners necessary for conduct of Nikah?

A.The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes. \ It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.

Q14. Is there any special salaat to be offered by bride/bride-groom prior to Nikah?

A.It is found that some of the bridegrooms accompanied by their close relatives visit mosque prior to Nikah ceremony at their convenient time and offer salat.. There is no specific salat for the couple as discussed above. 

Q15.What are the rights of a wife on her husband?

  1. Mahr: The wife is entitled to a marriage-gift (called ‘Mahr’) that is her own. This may be prompt (“mu’ajjal” – means on the spot) or deferred (“mawajjal” – at a later date) depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without a ‘mahr’. It can be in the form of money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. ‘Mahr’ is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides’ parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the ‘Mahr’ has to be. It depends on the parties involved.

 

  • : Husband is responsible for the wife’s maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. A component of his role as "qawwaam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.   The wife’s maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife’s lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.  It is her right to live in her house with dignity and self-respect.    If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husband’s duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so.   She is not duty-bound to serve parents and other relatives of her husband.   However, she can do so voluntarily for receiving duas, blessings of the elderly and pleasure of Almighty Allah.   The husband is however duty-bound to serve his parents who have given birth and brought him up. A woman’s center of attraction and service is her husband. The prophet is reported to have said: “The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.”

Non-material rights: A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equality, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.

Q16. What are the rights of a husband on his wife? (The wife obligations towards Husband’s rights):

A.One of the main duties of wife is to contribute to the success and realization of purpose of  marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her husband. She should be faithful, trustworthy and honest.     She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right.   She must not receive or entertain strangers in the house without his knowledge and consent.   She should not accept gifts from other people without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. She should also safe-guard husband’s possessions and wealth.  She may not dispose off his belongings without his permission.  A wife should keep herself pretty and attractive to her husband and be responsive to his needs. She must not refuse her husband here company as and when he demands.   The husband of course should take into account the wife’s health and all her day to day needs.   She is not supposed to observe even fasting (nafl) without her husband’s permission. 

Obedience. The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them. Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:  It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible limit of action.   It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under husband’s rights.   You should know that Allah has made her for you as a means comfort and tranquility (in worry), a friend and a shield (against sins).   And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), and to respect her and be kind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has the right of love and fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty.

 

Husband’s Rights Over his Wife: Following are the rights of a husband over his wife:

The most important among them is related to having physical relationship with her.  In the  absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the protection of his rights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor should reveal his secrets.     She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings which would have drastic repercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She must respect his ideas, plans and he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come at any time.       Rather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of harmony.    Once a lady inquired from the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his wife. He (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said, “First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. She must not donate anything from his house without his permission nor can she keep recommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, curse her till she returns to her house.”

 

Q.17.Is it true that Husband is the leader of the household?

A.It is reported that once a group of people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) and said, “O Prophet of Allah  (sallallaho alaihi vasallam), we have seen such people who prostrate before each other.” The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) answered, “If at all I could permit prostration before anyone except Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the wives to prostrate before their husbands.”

The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) is also reported to have said, “A wife who gives her husband water to drink attains a reward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In exchange of one drop of water which she provides for her husband one city is built in paradise for her and sins of sixty years are forgiven.”

Stricture Against Foul Language: The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said, “Any woman who converses indignantly with her husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none of her deeds either obligatory or recommended will be accepted from her until and unless her husband does not express his satisfaction with her. Even if this woman fasts during the days, prays during the nights, frees slaves or donates the best of horses in the way of Allah, she will be first to enter the fire of hell. Similar will be the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of his wife.”

Q18.How mutual trust and love in a couple be strengthened?

A.She has recolated: Remember that the bride has left her loved-ones to settle down here. This will be her permanent residence now onwards.  She is new to this place and needs full support. So she deserves consideration and a chance to adjust herself in the new environment.  It is narrated from the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam)  that some people inquired from him regarding the rights of a wife over her husband. He (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) reportedly answered, “He should overlook her minor faults and forgive for major mistake.” The husband should meet her basic needs and should not frighten her often. He should be kind and affectionate towards her. If it so, then I swear by Allah, he has fulfilled his wife’s rights.”   Importance of observing the rights of a wife can be gauged from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) wherein he says, “The best among you is the one who shows concern for his wife in the best possible way; and I am the best among you to observe the rights of my wives.”

Assisting one’s wife at home: One day the Messenger of Allah (sallallaho ‘alaihi vasallam)  paid a visit to the house of ‘Ali (Radiyallaho anho) and Fatimah. (Radiyallaho anha). He saw that Ali (Radiyallahoanho) was sieving the pulses and Fatemah (Radiyallaho anha) was busy cooking. On observing this the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) remarked, O Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed to me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body.  This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during its days and prayed during its nights.

Behavior with the Family: Every man should strive to make life of his wife, children and other family members comfortable as per his capacity. Love, softness and affection move matters more easily.  Undue harshness, becoming rude and unkind to them often becomes counter-productive.  This will only spoil atmosphere and peace in the house. Tensions of work-place should never be allowed to enter the house-hold.  When Saad ibne Maaz, the great companion of the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) expired, he (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) himself participated in the funeral procession to the grave yeard. He laid the body in the grave with his own hands. On seeing the zeal of the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) the mother of Saad said: “Congratulations O my son on your attaining the paradise.” On hearing this, the Messenger of Islam (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) told her; “Wait and don’t make haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great agony and anguish at the moment.” When the people inquired about the reason for this condition he reportedly replied, “He used to behave badly with his family members.”

 

Q19.What our Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) has said about wedding ceremony?

A.Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) said, “The best wedding ceremony is one upon which least trouble and expenses are incurred.” (Mishkat).  We find most of the wedding ceremonies organized these days offer quite an opposite and extreme look.   These practices include from holding of event at a highly decorated Luxury Function hall, excessive decoration of venue, preparing numerous items for dinner by bride’s side for the occasion.  Everyone wants their wedding-day to be special, but forget to follow the right path, the way of success shown by our Prophet (sallallaho alaihi vasallam).  This behavior also places unnecessary pressure on the community for future events. They will be under constant pressure to match this trend. It's time we revive the Sunnah of simpler weddings.

Q20.What are the suggested ways for performing marriage in a simple way?

A. Prepare the budget for the occasion by involving your wife, elderly children.  Remember the Hadith in which the Prophet has said: “The best marriage function is that which is least expensive.  Avoid printing of expensive, lavishly decorated invitations as these are meant to convey the details of wedding-related ceremonies. Never go for borrowing, or begging from the counterpart (would-be in-laws of the boy).  Keep the guests list small and invite only the inevitable.  Prepare list of invitees in the order of relatives, followed by neighborhood, friends in the work place, and some from among the poor also. Prefer sending the invitation to people living far away by making  telephonic call followed by sending scanned copy of the invitation through email or whatsApp.   Consider a function hall which suits your list of guests and allocated budget. Organize the ‘Nikah” ceremony in a nearby large mosque which provides parking facility and has got good access to qualify for blessings of a large gathering at no extra cost. Prefer the timing of ‘Nikah’ which attracts maximum gathering of the faithful.  Keep the menu as simple as possible and avoid multiple items of starter, non-vegetarian food, dessert etc. Offer your guests delicious dishes by hiring a good cook, quality ingredients by which suits the taste of your guests.   Fix the time of feast and try to organize the same at that hour with an appeal to the guests to cooperate.   Ensure to avoid wastage of eatables.  Distribute the leftover food to a poor students Hostel, orphanage or a nearby government hospital having the attendants of in-patients loitering the premises.   You can go in for a little expensive dress suitable for the occasion, place and audience.  

Q.21.Is there any mention about the timing of Wedding?

A.It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, “Take the bride to her new home during the night.”  When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended to perform wuzu and pray two rak’at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du’a:

“Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa rizaaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam”.

(O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.)

Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two rak’at sunnat prayer.

When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride’s forehead and pray the following du’a while facing the qiblah.

Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah’laltuha. Fa in qaz’ayta li minha waladan, faj-’alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi’ati Aal-i Muh’ammad (s’al-lal-laahu a’layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-’al lish Shayt’aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.

(O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi vasallam); and do not let Satan have any part in him/her).  It is not necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed?  As far as the Sharia is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newlywed couple; it should be honored by all.

Q22.What acts are considered as un-Islamic (and sin) in celebration of a wedding function?

A.Wedding event is a solemn occasion for a family as a large number relatives and dear ones gather to share the happiness, express their good-wishes and exchange pleasantries.  The event is a great blessing from Allah as a couple today has found a means of happiness and way to achieve modesty and chastity in life.  Islam does not like its followers to move away from the path of pious even while in a social gathering.    The ceremony is desired to be conducted as instructed in Islamic Law based on Quran and Traditions of Prophet.  There are various forms and different customs in different societies and countries.  With the passage of time and social contacts, rituals practiced by people of other communities and groups have crept into our gatherings too and taken us away from the path of pious.   The aim of Islamic shari’a is to save from the evils of customary practices prevailing in the societies of non-believers. While some of these are terribly wrong, against the basic teachings of our religion and human values, some are mere waste of precious money and time.   Following is a list of various forms of such rituals:

ENGAGEMENT (or Mangni): It is an event of gathering of both families to announce engagement of the couple.  It is purely a family affair but is celebrated with a lavish dinner for a large gathering. Arrangements are required to be made and funded by the parents of the bride.  This is highly undesirable and should be avoided.    

HALDI & SANCHAK: Marriage celebration in today’s Muslim society is spread over several days and weeks. It starts with ‘Haldi’, a pre-marriage ritual by the women in the family.   It is full of several activities, sentiments and involves huge spending.  Applying of ‘Haldi’ (the turmeric powder) to the bride-groom by ladies in the family is the main theme of this ritual.  It is mainly a borrowed act from the non-believers (Rajputs).

DOWRY: This is custom common among the non-believers, of demanding or excepting huge money as dowry from the parents of the bride.   It  must be avoided.  Shariah does not make any expense binding on the bride/bride’s parents. Even the marriage expenses are expended to be borne by the bridegroom’s side as he is the leader of family unit.  The bride however can bring dresses and articles she needs and if she desires so. That  will always be belonging to her.

PLAYING MUSIC:  Playing of the music is prohibited in Islam.  It stimulates ones passions and leads to adverse social results.  It is introduced by some enthusiasts in the name of  entertaining the guests. Prophet Mohammed (sallallaho alaihi vasallam) is reported to have said: ”I have been sent by Almighty Allah in this world for eradicating the music-generating instruments”.   It is also haraam for ladies to participate in mixed-gender gatherings without proper hijab. Such things invite divine wrath and take away the blessings of Allah in  this auspicious event. Many a times these have caused irreparable damage to family set ups.

SINGING: Singing in the praise of Allah (Hamd), and the Prophet (Naat) are praise worthy as long as these are without playing of music.  The act of dancing is un-Islamic as it leads to body contacts between different people including women.  It forms an important source of entertainment in the events of non-believers.  It should be avoided by us.  

FIRE-CRACKERS:  Burning of fire-crackers to announce arrival of the bride-groom is part of non-believers’ tradition and culture. It is foolish to burn our own money in the form of gun-powder and pollute the environment.    

JUMAGIS: In a post marriage scenario, some Fridays are considered an occasion for celebration and parents of bride are desired to organize it with grand feast for the family of bride-groom.  This tradition has nothing to do with Islamic Sharia.  

Other Un-Islamic Customs: Other customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. All actions, customs etc. which show disrespect to Islam or weaken the importance of Islam have to be avoided.  

 

Q.23.How can we conduct the marriage today without losing peace of mind?

A. The Islamic way of life guarantees satisfaction, happiness and prosperity for every family. Since the society consists of families which come into existence through matrimonial alliances, it is necessary that welfare of this basic unit of society is properly taken care of.  While engaging in practices/rituals against Islam takes the event of wedding from path of Islam, we fail to qualify for blessings from Allah.  By spending extra-ordinarily on avoidable infrastructure buildup, in competing with others we waste our limited resources. These could have been invested in income generating ventures. Enough has been discussed, written about the extravaganza made by our people on wedding events.   Under pressures of self-declared social obligation and pressure Muslim families continue to spend simply on Function Halls, decorations, lighting and dinner-preparation. Hence there is need to conduct wedding functions on the Islam suggested lines is more today than was in the past.  None can save us from further dissemination and isolation in the society if we do not read the writing on the wall.

 

Q.24.What should be done in case of disputes in a married couple?

A.After all the prayers, planning and festivities, sometimes the life of a married couple doesn't turn out the way it should be. Emotions, here-say, backbiting, rumors cause havoc in relationships.   No wonder that a single particular habit of the partner, human weaknesses and preferences, dislikes may take the toll and lead to quarrels.  Obsession with Mobile or its usage in an un-desired way is a major source of discord these days in the Muslim society.   Islam is a practical faith, a complete way of life; and offers practical solution for every problem. Quran is very clear and orders the faithful as under:  "Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good." (Quran, 4:19)

Remember that none is enemy in this world except ‘Satan’ as declared by Allah in Quran.  Waiting for an opportunity, it is ready to lead us to destruction through emotions.  Numerous Muslim families today are either in Police lock-ups, Courts or laundering in Jails by getting carried away following to the wrong path. They got carried away through emotional behavior.   Impartial efforts for finding out the reason behind the discord should be made by the elders of both families. The issue should be settled amicably without allowing any place for emotion. In case of failure of internal efforts, the experts on the social issues like religious scholars, Qazi etc. of the area should be approached for counseling and arbitration..   The issue should not be allowed to hang for an indefinite period and become a curse for the family and society.   In case there is no possibility of compromise a graceful separation through Qazi or counseling process should be resorted.   One should avoid approaching the Police or Judicial process to save the family from further complications.

 

 

SYED ILYAS BASHA

(9949126665)

Hyderabad.India

27th July, 2019

 

  23rd March, 2021